Sunday, March 06, 2005
Not the mass but the essence
I am glad last week is finally last week. It was tough. On average, I slept from 3 to 4 hours per night. Extremely deficit of sleep. I had to ask wifey to take over my usual 'duties' so that I could sleep early. I had, for the first time last week, slept from 10.30 pm to 6.30 am on Friday night. A good 8 hours. I still felt sleepy yesterday but definitely better.
The week is tough because MOE team of people came. I had to attend interviews, a total of 6 interview sessions, amounting to 8 hours. Interview is tough cos i had to be alert, able to answer them as accurately and clearly a possible. And boy, some of them are very sharp and ask very tough questions that challenge my own concept and view of things. I am usually exhausted after each session. In-between, I had to get data for them, like number of parents awarded during SEA for the past 3 years. I had to do my marking, planning of lesson, administrative writing into the late nights.
But I suppose the toughest was Monday, the release of result. The whole process started at 8 am when I logged into the system I manage for the school. Wah lau! First impression was it NO GOOD. Worst was I had so many pairs of eyes being me, fixed at the monitor. All of them eager to find out how their subjects did. I had to settle my own fear like, will science be the worst or best? Will we be the one who pull everyone down? Will I lose my voice after this? But they are not the main worry, afterall, I dun exist as a teacher for these. My greater concern was will my students get to the course they want. Will their L1R5 be good? When the left fort he printer after I sent all the summary to printer, I had the chance to quickly look at a few of my closest students (you know who you are). That's where I could feel the co-existance of pain and joy. Some din do well. Can they take the bad news? What gonna happen for them? Where can they go? Then for the joyous one, it was more of they did better than wad I was worried about. As a teacher, I can always try another year to achieve better overall. But for my students, it most likely a one-off attempt. I spent the next few days counselling. Not easy but I am glad as I talk to them, I could share the journeys with them. It was a journeyof discovery of them and myself. How each one of them are so strong, realistic and adaptable.
It was a shared journey and I suppose the last shared journey, after 4 years of teacher-student relationship. I treasure it, 2001 to 2005. Perhaps, the symbolic announcement of the already happened parting that comes with the release of results too had added to my emotional dissonance. But alas, what must come will come. They have grown up and they must move on. The joy is, I have had a good time with them, and I have the few who continues to maintain the ties. :-) No need the mass, just need the essence.
God bless you, my first batch of West Spring graduates...
tse horng blogged at 6:47 AM
